stretch them out to form a gun
point to the left side of my chest
just say bang then it’s done” —
Everyday i wake up i just get insanely down. It sucks. So frustrated with it.
Tonight made me feel real strange. But in a good way. Kinda like butterflies but on fire . Its hard to grasp. Its torn between two totally different feelings. Real indifferent but happy? It justified things i cant ignore but i know this all doesn’t make any sense. I just needed to type it out so maybe it made sense to me. What I’ve learned in the pile of shit i have faced these past few years is that when you feel a “love” for someone it reflects in a million different ways. Weather if its clutter stacked all around your room and your bed never made and place a total disaster and then the next day organized and spot cleaned or if it’s just feeling like going for a good run. It all ends with a soothing feeling. Kinda like drinking a root beer float on a nice warm day but then you kinda feel a little sick after. I just am stuck on the issue at all minutes and seconds of the day torn up. So torn up and drilled to write a lyric or song that best fits what’s going on but I’m at a stand still of frozen creativity. I wouldn’t say that its writers block more like emotional de-funk . Writing something with no solitude direction is what people do who don’t write what they want to write but what appeals to others. I however feel the drastic point to always write what i feel inside that must be drained and ripped out at times but this time its as frozen as i cant help but feel. As numb and null in void as i wish to just know the perfect fit of feelings and settlement but i cant. I cant because of the present standing. I hope this all full circles. I hope this all makes sense but i hope for the best still. After it all i will always down to my core hope for the best. Because if i couldn’t hope i wouldn’t move. You.
Walk alone in gardens of loss.
You can’t have a flower of stone.